Subject: Some commentary
Date: Mon, 25 May 1998 21:39:46 -0500
I went through a section on your pages that deals with opposing views to
CDing. Actually, I only found one article
about it. I did notice that the First Stone Ministries is totally
opposed to TG lifestyles?? So sad. Anyway,
I've done some commentary in the one article/testimonial done by Randall
Wayne. Before I send it his [her?]
way, I'd appreciate your assistance in whether or not I am overstepping
my bounds here. If you could take some time
and read my comments among Mr. Wayne's, I'd sure appreciate it.
Greetings Mr. Wayne,
My name is Marcia Lynn Williams. But, please refer to me in any future
I have read with great interest, yet with deep regret, your testimony
"victory" over the "sin" of cross dressing. Further, I've also read many
areas of the First
Stone Ministries web pages. Although there may be more information
related to the "why
I should stop cross dressing" topic out here in cyber space, I haven't
found it yet. Rather,
as you mention in your message, so very much is available regarding why
is OK and fun!
Before I begin commenting on your message and experiences, I do want to
say that First
Stone Ministries appears to be open minded regarding life-style
preferences and/or sexual
preferences, while admitting that they believe [as you evidently do]
1. Cross dressing should be lumped into the ubiquitous category of
2. The homosexual/lesbian/transsexual life-styles/activities are
Interestingly, they compare the following: "Thou shalt not lie with a
man as with a
woman" requires no more interpretation than "Thou
shalt not kill."
I might point out that the correct translation should be "Thou shalt not
my interest in this posting is cross dressing and not homosexuality, I
do maintain that if
one is going to use Scripture to prove something, then they ought to
print as accurate a
translation of Hebrew/Greek as possible. The "Thou shalt not kill"
translation is just as
controversial as the "...lie with a man as with a woman" phrase, don't
With this in mind, I will interject commentary in your testimonial. I'm
impression from your web page that your testimonial is not copyrighted.
If I am in error
here, please let me know. Otherwise, I consider this current e-mail
analysis as being
"food for the nations". We begin...
Cross-dressing and Christianity
= A REAL Man's Struggle
= Randall Wayne's Testimony
=This page is for Christian men and their families to get another
=perspective on the issue of cross-dressing. If you are not a
=this page will probably not make much sense and could be taken to be
=offensive, although that is not my heart in writing this.
So what if one isn't a Christian? I know Jews who will be able to
viewpoint. Also, atheists are about who know well the tenets of
fundamentalist Christianity and can bring just as convincing a case
against your apology
as a Christian cross dresser who has our loving Savior living in her/him
and who is
comforted and taught by the Ever Living Spirit of Holiness!
If you are a
=Christian man looking for answers in how to deal with cross-dressing,
=concerned spouse or family member of a male to female cross-dresser, I
=invite you to read further and keep an open mind. So, you have been
Why must you "warn" me. Is there anything to fear? Were we not given a
Spirit of a
sound mind, of Power and Love?!!
=There are some in the Christian faith who do not understand
=and will condemn you. I know where you are coming from and do not
=you. I am not a therapist or counselor, but I have "been in your
=to speak. I am now an ex-cross-dresser (heterosexual M to F) by the
=and healing of Jesus Christ.
First, dear brother [or sister in case your purge comes back as a
binge], if in fact you have
been "healed" by Jesus of this alleged "sin", then, praise to the
Almighty, Ever Living
God!! In your mind it is sin, you asked for healing/exorcism if you
will, and now you are
"fully" a male.
=My desire is to offer hope to those who are conflicted by
=and their spiritual beliefs. I am really not looking to debate, but if
=or a loved one wants freedom from cross-dressing, you might find hope
=story. Feel free to e-mail me if I can help you.
I'm e-mailing anyway, not to debate, but to ask some questions and offer
=A Really Short Background
=In or about October of 1996 I experienced an onslaught of temptation
=spiritual warfare in the area of cross-dressing. This strong desire to
=dress in womenís clothes was totally out of the blue, although it was
=something that I had experienced before in my life. At times, the
=temptation was so strong that it was all I could think about. As a
=result. I could not focus on the normal activities of life.
=found help and hope. Today I can truly say after over 30 years of
=with this, "Thank God Iím free!"
=I was an only child, so the closest thing to siblings I had to play
=with were my girl cousins who were close to my age. Of course, playing
=girls meant playing girl games, like playing house and dress up. So,
=the overall effect was that I was raised in a feminized environment
=the female role was dominant and the male role was passive. In my inner
=being, I found the feminine role attractive, but modeled after the
I don't doubt in your case that a strong environmental experience in
your youth may have
triggered a later in life desire to cross dress, but overall, the
environmental "cause" has
yet to be proven.
=One of my earliest remembrances was when I was about five or six and
=my mother would have me try on clothes she was sewing for my girl
=hem the skirts and make other alterations. As I grew older and into
=adolescence, I had a strong desire to try on female clothes. I
=remember finding discarded dresses, wigs, earrings, etc. and trying
them on and
=feeling an erotic excitement. I formed a strong association at that
This is not abnormal. The vast majority of cross dressers develop this
during the pubescent developmental years. For that matter, if one is to
honest, masturbation is nearly universal in teenage males and quite
females. Moreover, the Bible doesn't even address masturbation despite
large and small, "proof texting" to the contrary.
=between wearing female clothing and sexual release. Later in life in
=times of stress, I would retreat to that same activity to feel relief.
=was my secret world where I could fantasize about being beautiful and
=On the outside, in many other ways I was a typical boy. I was active
=in Boy Scouts, worked on cars, liked to go target shooting, and was not
=feminine at all - just "a nice guy."
Well, Randall, we have several things in common. Our main difference is
that I accept
my femininity while you reject it. That's not to say that you aren't
toward your wife, kids, other women, etc. We've been raised to believe
[and I call this
part of "mis-preprogramming"] that boys/men must keep a stiff upper lip,
be the "leader",
strong [meaning hard], shouldnít cry, and other such one-sided
post-World War I societal
taboos. Moreover, since the times of the early Church, the "Mystery of
already at work, trying to bring free children of God back under a yoke
of bondage that
and entire God-ordained nation proved over a 1,400 year period before
Christ could NOT
Before I continue, it is imperative that I give you a little background
about me. I began
feeling the need to dress at a very early age. By the time I was nine
years old, I dressed up
with a male friend for the first time. I was laughed at by another
friend for doing it and
suddenly shame and extreme guilt overwhelmed me. Not until the autumn of
this shame lifted from me by the Holy Spirit. Between these two events,
I endured the
pure hell of two extremely legalistic religious cults, the first being
the one which secreted
Scripture for over 1,200 years and the second being a 20th Century
concoction of toxic
spiritual abuse. Sadly, my dear sibling, the huge bulk of organized
religiosity is fully
polluted by the iniquity warned about by the Apostles and early Church
I hope you find me an interesting enough person to log onto my web site.
won't out of trepidation or out of a fear of "sinning", but I'm going to
provide you with my
page address anyway. Again, I am happy for you that you believe that YOU
have had a
miracle worked in you life and that you no longer feel you are a cross
dresser. Fine. But,
please, that is you and your life. I hope you have taken into
consideration that for every
individual that might be "helped" out of this alleged "sinful lifestyle"
there may be
hundreds, maybe thousands, who have had their minds and hearts even more
because the past 1600+ years of "Churchianity" have feed so many with a
mixed brew of "Galatianism"...the teaching that Jesus set them free; now
they have to
'earn' their salvation through works???
The Gospel message is simple: God, the God of the Universe and beyond,
saved us, and now LIVES in us!!! We are now to love one another. God
will make a
dramatic physical display at the "end of the ages" and the completeness
will have finally come.
Here is my web page address:
=In college, I met and married a wonderful girl to whom I am still
=married. In the early years of our marriage, my cross-dressing desires
=only occasional. I never told my wife of my urge to cross-dress because
=was in a state of denial. I really didnítí see cross-dressing as a bad
=thing, just an odd thing.
=After we had been married for a few years and had both of our boys,
=the pressures of work and family seemed to increase my desire to
=cross-dress. I would look for any occasion to cross-dress, especially
=unexpected opportunity came at a church banquet where one of the
=ladies of the church asked me if I would dress up as Dolly Parton. This
=real treat because not only could I cross-dress, but I could do it
=church! During these years, I would feel guilt, confess the
=cross-dressing as sin, but eventually do it again. I never really
admitted to myself
=I was a cross-dresser.
Been here; done that! I eventually began to believe I was demon
possessed because of the
influence of certain self-righteous, greedy "ministers" who kept the
"sheep" blinded to the
Light by continually bringing fear of Satan upon their heads. I say,
B.S. Thank God I have
been freed from this. I never was possessed, and never have felt
influenced by Satan at
any time in my life. Jesus conquered the devil at the cross, making a
mockery of this
being whom God created a light-bringing cherub but who chose to become
And, God can destroy him or change him whenever God decides. Jesus LIVES
=A strange irony is that my wife is a Mary Kay cosmetics consultant,
=with a whole closet full of make-up inventory right in my study at
=guess you might say I was not really a hard-core case because I never
=anything from her inventory, but I sure was tempted at times!
Please don't be upset, but oh, to have such a thing!
=Even though cross-dressing was a source of release, it was also a
=cycle of guilt and shame. Every time I would do it, I would feel shame.
=shame would cause me to feel even worse about myself than I did before
=would be tempted to cross-dress again to relieve that shame and so on.
=Eventually, I got to the point where I just decided to "white knuckle"
=it and quit cross-dressing. Whenever a temptation would come along, I
=would just ignore it. I really didnít give a thought to cross-dressing
=two or three years. I managed to totally repress any feelings or
=about cross-dressing. Then, the Lord engineered what I believe to be an
=incredible set of circumstances.
=The Spiritual Warfare
=We were happy in our church at the time, but on the day of our 19th
=wedding anniversary, the Lord impressed both my wife and I that we
=on. "But to where?" we wondered. We decided to visit a new church much
=closer to home and we were so led by the Lord that we joined. One of
=first sermon series was titled "Everyday Victory for Everyday People."
=study in spiritual warfare would prove to be life changing.
=After going through the study, my wife approached me one day and said
=that she felt a need to confess a stronghold in her life so that she
=be delivered. I already knew about her stronghold, and I said, "Well,
=since you confessed yours, let me confess mine." In the previous days,
=started to experience some of the old temptations of cross-dressing. I
=said, "You know I struggle with smoking, but I also have another
=problem that I have struggled with all my life." At that time I told my
=that I had strong urges to wear womenís clothes. I was also quick to
=I was not asking for her acceptance or permission of any
Right here is a MAJOR difference between you and the vast majority of
As a cross dresser becomes aware that their "illness" cannot be cured
[unless God decides
to change the human's psyche] and they come to a self-acceptance, then
they must also
eventually come to a decision as to whether or not they should tell
others. Let's be realistic, shall we? Marriages fail half the time or
more. Moreover, it is a
myth that monogamy is God's "approved" life-style. This has not been
born out by the
fruits of thousands of years of human history as well as both Old and
writings. Granted, society in the Western cultures in particular as well
as Moslem beliefs
[and even Mohammed added a special book to the Koran to justify his own
has forced this burden on folks.
Rather, one should be able to decide whether they want one or more
then, they should take full responsibility for loving their mates. And,
all the mates must
be in agreement about the entire approach.
Over 80% of ALL sexual relationships either hetero or homo sexual
involve infidelity on
at least one partner's part!! That's a powerful statement, isn't it.
Yet, that is the finding of
leading psychologists, counselors, and authorities on the subject.
Sadly, adultery is swept
under the rug and the "code of silence" enforced by the couple as well
as the paramours
as well as society as a whole fosters this hurtful behavior. In other
words, it must be
brought into the Marvelous Light and shown to society as a whole.
Similarly, cross dressing must also be brought to light. But, not in the
"sinfulness". Rather, children should be taught to accept their mixed
gender. God created
us male and female. But, he gave Eve the same gender qualities that Adam
had. It has
been proven that men and women have the same hormones, but that those
proportioned according to certain glands. As we enter puberty, certain
for a time. As we grow older, men decrease in male hormones and female
begin to affect us. When you get into your "mid-life crisis", Randall,
you'll actually live
through this. I don't think I need to go over the female change.
Moreover, in the Body there is NO male nor female. We are all ONE in
organized Churchianity deliberately [because it has mistakenly been led
solely by men all
these centuries] mistranslated certain Greek words to make women
subservient to men.
Again, I say, B.S.!!
My point in all this is that you are exceptional in your experience.
Most all cross dressers
must deal with accepting themselves, facing whether or not to share
their S/Os, and making themselves very vulnerable to rejection and
loss in the extreme. Moreover, they risk the discovery by those who
could ruin their
reputations and cause them very much persecution. I will go deeper into
this when we get
to your "judgment" of cross dressing being a "deceit"??
I also explained that the battle at that point was mainly in my mind and
=that I had never been unfaithful to her. She handled my confession very
=well and said she would pray with me about how to deal with this
I decided that I needed more information about cross-dressing, so I
=on to the Internet and started doing searches on "cross-dressing" and
="Christian." This proved to be a mistake. I learned everything the
=world had to say on the topic and I learned what the arguments that
=Christians had constructed to justify the behavior. At this point, I
=became very confused and deceived. I saw so many images of guys like me
=transformed into beautiful women, that I was really tempted to seek
=out a makeover for myself.
Again, don't be upset, but I'd have said, "go for it!" I was also
looking for a 12 step
support group so that I could end this "aberration". Thank God I found
that it's OK to
=It was at this point that the temptations and thoughts were almost
=constant. I was having dreams about being dressed as a beautiful woman
=and those dreams would set me up for the rest of the day thinking about
=such things. It was hard for me to work or do anything else with these
=thoughts constantly bombarding me. I would even fantasize that my wife
=along with and accept my behavior. I was truly deceived. I was truly
=staring to get concerned that I might start acting out my temptations
If you go to my web page you will see that I have been dressed in public
many times. It's
not bad at all. It's fun. And God through Jesus showed us that it's OK
to have fun as long
as we don't sin. He's the most Fun we'll ever have, don't you agree? I
mean, if having Him
live in us isn't fun and if knowing we are saved and will live forever
with God ain't fun,
then nothing else, including cross dressing matters, does it? Then, both
you and I are the
most foolish of all because if Christ isn't risen [and now residing
alive in us] then we are
the most miserable of all.
Your fantasies were absolutely normal, although you disagree with my
You might also find my relationship with my wife to surprise you. I go
into detail about
our journey together in my pages.
=I was typical of many male to female cross-dressers in that in all
=other areas of life, I was masculine in appearance and actions. I also
=absolutely no desire for relations with other males, so homosexuality
=was not part of my problem.
=It was at this point that I realized I had a clear-cut decision:
=either choose the ways of the world or follow after God. I loved the
=more than I loved the urge to cross-dress, so I made a decision to get
And here is where we diverge. I sought the "Christian-based" help all my
found the true Christian help and now enjoy being my whole self. God
made me this way
and we have fun together. I pray while drab or drag. I'm His child!!
And, this may shock
you, but I refer to God as He or She. It doesn't matter to me and I
believe in my heart that
God doesn't care either. God is neither male nor female. But God did
bestow on both men
and women to one degree or another all gender qualities just as God
share Her emotions
with us. And, God give us gifts. But, most importantly, God produces
fruit through us.
The greatest fruit is Love.
=Coming Into the Light
=As I shared this with my wife, she suggested that I get Christian
=counseling. Almost every resource I found said that cross-dressing
=could not be cured. Even many of the Christians who had testimonies on
=Internet told of how they knew that it was all right to cross-dress -
=to them it was not a sin, but something fun to do. The only resource I
=could find on the Internet that dealt with cross-dressing as a sin was
=Stone Ministriesí home page. I was glad to learn they were in my home
Now this ought to tell a person something. I'd bet that First Stone
Ministries and their
membership are led to believe that, although they claim to be "open
minded" and they
love the "sinner" but hate the "sin", they actually are just as
exclusivist and in a "we're
actually the group God wants to "save" the world form these particular
"evils". Even if
cross dressing were a sin, I shudder at the thought of ANY group of
people assuming that
they have been ordained to a "special" ministry??
I hope you don't take offense at this, but, the First Stone group
standing out as they do in
their singularity should automatically become suspect.
=The first person I spoke with was Stephen Black. Stephen was the first
=person to sit down with me and show me Romans 1:18-32. Although I
=considered myself a mature Christian and student of the Bible, this
=passage took on a whole new meaning to me. For the first time in this
=episode, I saw that I had been deceived by "the lie" of the enemy.
May I ask, does Steven teach that verse 27 is referring to AIDS? I've
heard this purported
in other ministries. Yet, Randall, I have much information that the AMA,
Pharmaceutical Association, and the Chemical industry worked together to
Moreover, isn't this passage talking about BC times? Didn't I just bring
to your attention
that even Israel couldn't obey the Law? And that it was nailed to the
cross? And that God
Lives in us and will guide us into all truth? and isn't this passage
homosexuality and lesbianism? How then can it be applied to cross
although might involve some homosexuals and lesbians, is mostly a
Furthermore, haven't women been allowed to cross dress for the past 30
to 40 years? If
we are going to condemn cross dressing as a whole, then we'd better get
out wives back
into the June Cleaver mode, don't you think? I'm not trying to be funny
here. But, a little
humor might lessen the tension. So much of what I've read over the past
learned to read when I was 5...regarding religiosity is pure nonsense,
my friend. And, as
even admitted by you when you get into your analysis of cross dressing
and your rejection
of it as sin, anyone can use the Scriptures for their own end.
=assured me that Jesus was not a cross-dresser
Obviously...he was a Jew bound under the Law, so the prohibition in
Duet. bound Him.
But, he did wear a long dresslike robe. In any event, neither was he an
engineer nor a
waiter nor the mailman, nor a cop nor whatever. And, he wasn't a
minister/pastor. He was and is God! Hope you get my point here.
and that if Jesus is our
=model, then we should pattern our lives after Him.
Also, read into chapter 2. It puts the verses Stephen used into proper
you think? Sure hope you aren't judging me in your heart. And, if you
are, that's OK too.
My Judge has found me innocent!
After my initial visit with Stephen, I started meeting on a monthly
=basis with a female counselor - Kim Gately. Before I started meeting
=her,I did not know whether it was best for me to meet with a male or
=counselor. As it turns out, I feel that she was the perfect person to
=counsel me. I really needed the female perspective on my problem and
=also on my relationship with my wife. A verse that she shared with me
=really helped during times of temptation was Romans 6:21 - 22,
= "What benefit did you reap at that time from the things
= you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!
= But now you have been set free from sin and have become
= slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness,
= and the result is eternal life."
The cult I was in the second time used this to make me feel so ashamed
of things that
weren't even sin. They had taught Jewish Law literally as still being in
Covenant?? What a nightmare. It also cost me $120,000.00 of money wasted
to a greedy,
sinful, Satanic spiritual harlot, not to mention the severe spiritual
abuse. It wasn't until I
accepted myself that I began dealing with others of all walks of life on
Christlike basis. Sadly, most religions are extremely exclusive and the
members won't "get their hands soiled" by associating with sinners. If
we are to emulate
Jesus as you purport above, then shouldn't we "touch lepers?"
=Whenever temptation would come, I would remember this verse and it
=helped me to ask, "Is this going to benefit me?" The answer was always
=so instead of simply ignoring the temptation, I dealt with it in a
=Around Christmas time, I made a special trip to my parentís house to
=talk with them. Although I didnít share specifics about my problem, I
=ask many questions about my upbringing. I discovered some things and I
=also learned that some events which were significant in my memory, were
=remembered by them at all. One of the significant things that happened
=was hearing my parents say that they never expected me to be perfect. I
=think that growing up I has felt a perceived (by me) expectation to
=be a good boy, never to get into trouble, always make good grades, etc.
=a result, there was something in me that wanted to rebel against that
=expectation, but I never did rebel openly - just in my private world.
I have been a perfectionist all my life. That caused me to run from God
considered mean and vindictive. My perfectionism came from extreme
parents, extended family, neighbors, authorities, educators etc. Now, if
I goof, I admit it,
learn from it, and let God lead me forward. His is the victory, by the
way, not ours.
=It took about two months before the voices in my head started to die
=down. One night when I was on a business trip, I had one thought too
=and got angry enough with the enemy that I resolved to get rid of this
=one and for all. I knew that I was weak, but the Lord is strong. Under
=authority of Jesus, I gave the enemy and his demons their marching
=orders back to HELL.
I've performed this exorcistic ritual many times over my feminine
nature. Doesn't work.
Oh, I hope you don't think I lack faith. I've endured that abuse from
Reason I bring this up is because many have profited in the "healing
ministries" by laying
a "positive thinking" philosophy upon others so they could fill their
own coffers. If your
situation is considered spiritual illness by you, then your miraculous
cure worked for you.
However, it is not for everyone. You think CDing is sin, I don't. I did
and was at odds
with God. Now I dress regularly, I like my girl side and love God and
know that God
=Soon, I started seeing things much more clearly. I also was able to
=bring things out into the light with family, which really helped. The
=talked about this with my wife, the more deliverance I received.
=A major resource that helped me during this initial time of coming
=into the light was T.D. Jakesí book Loose That Man and Let Him Go. I
=to be an excellent book in helping me to learn what it means to be an
=authentic man of God. A foundational verse that came to mean much (and
=does) to me is
=I Corinitians 13:11:
= "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought
= like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a
= man, I put childish ways behind me."
I certainly hope that you can accept the work "man" here as better
translated "adult" or
"spiritual adult". Despite societal teachings, I believe that there are
more than three
genders, masculine, feminine, and neuter. I believe that there is at
least a fourth,
transgendered. I'm transgendered.
=I realized that cross-dressing was like playing the childish game of
="dress up" like I used to with my cousins when I was a child.
Childish? Don't you mean child like? If boys were allowed to play with
doll, play house
and learn certain "women's" roles, maybe their parenting skills in later
life might be more
=cross-dressing also tends to be self-centered,
...And I quote you above..."I would remember this verse and it
helped me to ask, "Is this going to benefit me?"" Question: isn't this
also self-centered? Just asking.
with the cross-dresser expecting others to
=accommodate their behavior even to the detriment of their families. I
=could either stay in a childish condition or I could move on and be a
Again, I'm saddened that it always has to be a man vs. woman world.
no male nor female in the Body. It is a New Covenant, my dear Friend.
=chose to be the man God wanted me to be.
And, I chose to be the child of God that God wants me to be!
=Learning to be a man patterned after Godís plan was a matter of
=learning the truth and modeling after Jesus. I realized that a lifetime
=being raised and taught by women had unknowingly feminized me.
=think many men today share this condition. I donít mean to be sexist,
=because certainly both male and female models are needed for a balanced
=upbringing. The problem is that males and females approach life from
=perspectives and being exposed to largely the female perspective, I
=developed a gender confusion. At this point, my wife ministered to me
in two very
=First, she affirmed my manhood verbally. This was powerful, especially
=having sex. Secondly, she helped me upgrade my wardrobe. I think one of
=reasons I was drawn to cross-dressing was because I felt women get to
=more stylish clothes. One of the things we did was to buy me some new
=suits. We got a great deal on some high quality suits at a local
=clothing store and they really helped me feel better about myself.
=Something else I started doing at this time was "reality checks." A
=practical example of this was when I reasoned through the issue of my
=self-esteem. I had always seen myself as unattractive and I think this
=also contributed to the cross-dressing urges. While in my confused
=liked the thought of being beautiful. So, I decided to do a reality
=check at Wal-Mart one day. While walking through the store I started
=counting how many people, both men and women, were truly attractive. I
=two unused fingers after the count! Admittedly, Wal-Mart is not where
="beautiful" people hang out, but still I realized that by far most
=people are average at best and some are just downright ugly. I donít
=to be mean about this, but the reality is that beauty is a fleeting
=for most people. I also had to come to terms that I didnít make a
=ravishing beauty when dressed up, either!
Yes, most of us are very average. I was looking at a book about makeup
photos of some stars before and after are in there. Most "beautiful"
people are pretty
average too. But, anyone can be made up or make themselves up to look
even your "ugly" folks. By the way, my wife and I shop at Awl-Mart a lot
planning on getting matching outfits!
We've also had sex while I'm dressed in lingerie on more than one
occasion and we both
enjoyed it!! Hope you don't think this repulsive, but if so, I don't
mind telling you. I do
mind if I've hurt you with this revelation. Not knowing you very well,
I'm not sure what
to say or what to avoid to prevent you from becoming hurt.
=For the next few months, the cross-dressing temptations and urges died
=down tremendously. Only every once in a great while did I think of
=cross-dressing. When a temptation would come my way, instead of simply
=dismissing it or ignoring it, I dealt with it. For example, I would
=examine the thought and say in my mind, "Lord, I know I am the man you
=to be. I know you love me just the way I am. In the name of the Lord
=Jesus Christ I command Satan and his demons to flee." This worked
I've done this in regard to false religious teaching. For instance, I
was taught by the
second sect I belonged to that the Sabbath was still in effect from
Friday sunset to
Saturday sunset. This caused a major problem and much consternation in
my life and the
life of my wife and kids. I couldn't work during this time, my kids
couldn't play sports,
my wife couldn't wash dirty clothes and such other B.S. Well, the
"temptation" to "break"
the Sabbath would come and we thought it was a direct attack by Satan
his damn self to
try and destroy us so that we couldn't be in the "Kingdom"?? So, their
I'd go, exorcising it
[we were taught satan is an "it"...third gender, huh?]. Anyway, one
is another person's joy!
=Then, one Saturday morning I awoke feeling free for the first time in
=many, many years.
Oh, oh!?? You mean you were healed on the "Sabbath"?? Hmmm...you mean
should return to the cult and go back under the Law...and die again?????
Just using this as an example of how we can think that every little
twist and turn in life is
a "special" thing from God. Yes, everything comes from God, including
suffering, death, evil and all the rest. But, His Goodness endures, and
His Love endures
I know it sounds odd, but it was like an overnight final
=transition happened. Not only were there no cross-dressing temptations
=or feelings, but also the appetite for other fleshly actions were gone.
=felt clean and free. The only thing I can figure is that God healed me
=Some Common Questions
=Here are some of the basic questions I had to deal with in my journey.
=They might not have the answers who want to hear, but to the best of my
=study and reasoning they represent a Biblical perspective.
=Is cross-dressing A Sin?
=This is probably the key question because if cross-dressing is not a
=sin, then it shouldnít be a problem. You will find differing opinions
=this, many of which are constructed by Christians (and non-Christians)
=wish to justify cross-dressing as a harmless activity.
I never tried to justify it. I always thought it was "sin". Now I know
=I donít want to
=condemn anyone as "sinner," because I have many other sins myself. I
=understand where you are at. So please look at these as things to
=consider, not a condemnation.
=True, about the only direct reference you will find on cross-dressing
=is in Deuteronomy buried in the Judaic code. If we use that verse for a
=reference we are on shaky ground because most of us do things like eat
=which is also in there.
Agreed...but for 15 long, arduous years I gave up pork and all the other
like shrimp, lobster, and other such things. Lots of folks don't realize
that pork is only one
of many meats prohibited under the Mosaic Covenant.
Besides, the blood of Jesus has set us free from the
=law to follow a higher law of grace.
I thought, and please correct me if I'm wrong, but the higher law is the
Law of Love. We
are saved by grace through faith, but are commanded to love one
=In my early struggles I reasoned that cross-dressing was not a sin
=because obviously men wear and have worn wigs for many years, actors
=makeup, etc. Although each piece of the picture can be taken alone as
=human activity, when you combine all of the pieces for the overall
=effect of trying to pass as or become a person of the opposite sex, you
=transcended into an entirely different realm. If cross-dressing was
=simply wearing a dress but acting like a male, then one could perhaps
=the point they were doing a bad imitation of Milton Berle.
And, we'd be pretty funny looking based on our mis-preprogramming,
To display our femininity to the fullest, we make up and dress to the
max! Granted, it
might not be the "ideal" of femininity, but women "transform" themselves
based on a
mercantilistic mechanism of media hype and "keep up with the Joneses"
pressure. Our cross dressing yields a pleasure that comes from
identifying with our
indoctrinated perception of what a woman should look/behave like. When
I'm fully in my
womanly state, I'm still in a very good, wholesome relationship with
God. I won't try to
prove that to you. I know it to be a fact with me, and that's what
counts. Moreover, I view
ALL other humans, friend and "enemy" [if there really is such a thing]
as children of God
and as having God Living in them. They may not be aware that the Holy
Spirit has been
poured out on them, but sooner or later, in this short life, or in the
they will be taught. We are to go and TEACH all nations, not go and
"preach" some sort
of complex legalistic garbage.
The way a genetic woman presents herself, dresses, behaves, are all
environment. Now, the transsexual issue is different. But, we are only
cross dressing here. Granted, cross dressing is done by TSes and some
the point is that shaving, makeup, wearing skirts, wearing high heels,
growing hair long and styling it, and other such things are not in
They have become associated with femininity based on societal dictates
and on that
Therefore, if genetic women never did the above, and genetic men who
emulated them, then we would put on whatever they wear, be it slacks,
whatever. And, if they all had shaved heads, we'd do that too. The
essence is in the
identity, not in the outer appearance. But, with the outer appearance
being what it is at
present, that's what cross dressers utilize.
But if you
=the path of many male to female cross-dressers you will find it leads
=to learning how to walk, talk and act like a female.
Yep! And I do it all.
=By shedding your masculinity and over-developing the feminine you are
=stepping outside of the role God has for you.
Whoa! This last statement is pure speculation, even though you make it
God has already used me to "minister" to others within the TG community.
=This concept is even
=more important if you are a husband and father. It is very clear in
=scripture that God has ordained a specific order for the family where
=husband is the spiritual leader. I know from experience that you canít
=masculine spiritual leader of a family and a practicing cross-dresser
=without some kind of detrimental effect. One reason for this is that
=the spiritual leader should be active and not passive. Transcending
=the female role or image is usually a passive role.
=Another problem is when male children are involved and the father
=models a passive image. The children are likely to carry that image
=own marriages and experience all kinds of difficulties. Personally, it
=very difficult for me to even discuss this subject with my two sons,
=less let them see me in the act. My sons and I have a great
=and I am teaching them the importance of active leadership in the home.
Before you apologize below, please, let me say that you are making
here. I could assert that by allowing children to accept and develop
their fullest potential,
including gender potential, the present day difficulties in so many
marriages and families
would be eliminated. I could assert that were society to accept TGism as
a precious gift
from God, and were they to accept that God lives in them...especially
this second truth,
then, we'd have come a long way to seeing the Kingdom in its fullest!
assertions don't solve anything, do they?
=donít misunderstand me - Iím not advocating a domineering, heavy
=handed approach. Iím talking about leading our families as our loving
=Heavenly Father leads us.
=Also keep in mind that something can be a sin even if there is no
=direct reference to it in the Word. You must submit an issue to the
=test" of the Word. In other words, is the practice consistent with the
=overall teaching of the Bible? It is entirely possible to construct all
=of arguments to justify a particular sin, even in the presence of
=numerous New Testament references indicating otherwise. One current
example of this
=is the justification of homosexuality as Scripturally permissive.
=The Bible also speaks to the issue that some things are permissible,
=but not all things are expedient. So, we can reason that some common
=and judgment is needed to make the call. If cross-dressing is a problem
=in your relationship to God, your wife, or anyone else close to you,
=you might consider it as one of the not so expedient things to do.
OK. The above two paragraphs can be used to either justify or condemn
any activity. But,
we'd be judging from outward appearances, wouldn't we. I mean, if moving
town to obtain a better job caused problems with our wives, then, we
would be expedient
to remain where we are??? The logic doesn't follow here. When two people
spend the rest of their natural lives together in all circumstances,
then, along the way
somebody's gonna piss somebody off! When we start trying to find "sin"
then we are most assuredly on dangerous ground. This is because we seem
to always see
the "sin" in others but refuse to admit our own "sins".
=I consider myself to be the kind of believer that could "eat meat
=sacrificed to idols" and it not bother me in the least. In other
=words, I am not a legalist. I donít like to live by rules alone, but
=needed to establish boundaries.
=While searching for an answer to the question of cross-dressing being a
=sin, I realized that I was looking for a black and white literal
=answer in the Word that was not there. My reasoning was that if the
=was not there, it was OK to cross-dress. Later, I realized that was the
=same attitude the Pharisees had in Jesusí day - they would strain at
=observing all of the "must dos," but they would create all kinds of
=follow the law literally while breaking it in spirit. It occurred to me
=on this issue, I had become a legalist!
I'm sorry, Randall. I don't get the connection here? You mean, I'm a
Pharisee? I'm talking
about the freedom of Christ and I'm a Pharisee?? I've come through two
experiences and now I see that possibly First Stone Ministries is just
like the rest? I'm a
Pharisee?? Hmmm...I speak of mercy over sacrifice and I'm a Pharisee????
=Letís define sin as missing the perfect mark of God.
No sirree bob! Let's let God define sin as lawlessness, period!
=As Christians we
=know that "all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." (Romans
=also know that "the wages of sin are death." (Romans 6:23) The good
=that Jesus forgives all of our sins when we turn to him for forgiveness
=with a repentant heart.
In actuality, the sins of all were forgiven at Calvary. Our repentance
only allows for us to
accept our sins, accept that forgiveness, and then accept the indwelling
of the Holy Spirit!
=So, for me, I believe cross-dressing is a sin because:
=1. It is deception - Yes, most of us to some degree modify our
=appearance to cover imperfections and to look our best (although
=modifications look worse than the imperfection!). However, to equate
=this with being completely transformed to look like the opposite sex is
=huge leap of reasoning.
Faulty reasoning. Got another question: Did you tell your sins there is
a Santa Claus? Do
you continue that myth with young kids?
Another question: Are there things in your fantasies that you don't
share with your wife?
=2. It violates Godís ordained gender role for a person - God doesnít
=make mistakes, but Satan can take small hurts and flaws in our
=to cause gender confusion. This gender confusion can cause many kinds
Only because society is so damned hypocritical and so damned unyielding
damned intolerant. THAT'S what Jesus condemned in the Pharisees. He
always got into it
with church leaders, usually at church. But, when it came to regular
folk under the
burden, he never laid condemnation. Even the Samaritan woman wasn't
was offered Living Waters!!
=3. A cross-dressing father is a confusing model for children
See my last paragraph above...
=4. cross-dressing is normally a very self-centered activity
See my quote of your earlier statement above.
=5. It is not healthy for most marriage relationships. True, there are
=some exceptions to this, but most women I have spoken with on the
=indicate a) they want a masculine male as a husband and
But, do they have a correct understanding of masculinity. Most all woman
sensitive, kind, understanding, thoughtful husband. Very few find
young boys are taught to me so "masculine".
=b) they donít
=care to be in a virtual lesbian relationship with the other woman as
=husband. The real test of whether or not something is a sin is your
=level in doing it in front of people you go to church with.
I can't believe you are saying this!?? Are you listening you what you
have just said? Since
when did the group of folks sitting in the congregation with you become
understanding, accepting, tolerant, unbigoted, unbiased, sinless,
Christlike, saints? In
many congregations, if I don't wear a suit and tie I'm not considered a
child of God, and
you ask this kind of question?? Dear brother Randall. I'm taken aback to
say the least. I'm
not trying to make a mockery of what you've just said. I'm just
astounded that you would
use THIS example as a [or evidently THE] test for what is sin and what
For example, would
=you feel at ease dressing up and attending church "en femme?" If the
=answer to this question is "no" or if you feel guilt over
=it fails this test.
But I know quite a number of folks who DO dress as women and attend
their churches. I
no longer attend and religious organization. I've been hurt too deeply
twice! Burn me
once, shame on me. Burn me twice, shame on you.
=I do know that for many men who are in conflict between cross-dressing
=and their faith, the compulsion to cross-dress is a spiritual bondage.
=dream about it at night, you read about it, you fantasize about it,
=and before long you want to go public. I personally would spend many
=on the Internet looking at web sites of other cross-dressers. When
=anything goes to this point of compulsion, there is a spiritual
=Lord is to be the center of our attention and the object of our praise.
And He is!
=I was set free from the bondage, I could finally see the issues much
=more clearly. It also helps to have someone to speak openly with. The
=you bring the issue into the light the less power the bondage has over
=you. It is a very freeing experience to "confess your faults one to
=that you may be healed." (James 5:16)
So, I should have continued going to the confessional all my life? Or, I
every little corner of my psyche to someone else who has no idea of what
I'm all about?
Yes, talking to others can be therapeutic. I'm a firm believer that peer
therapy is one of
the best methods of coming to terms with difficulties in our hearts.
That's why I'm so
happy to be part of a support group/network of cross dressers and other
folk. We share our stories, partake in normal, everyday activities, and
friendships. Sounds like pretty good spiritual fruit to me.
=Finally, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal this answer to your own spirit.
I did and he did.
=I can only give you my perspective. You must be convicted in your own
=as to the right and wrong of cross-dressing before you can change.
=Is it Possible to Change?
=Most secular psychologists will tell you that a cross-dresser might go
=remission, but will relapse during times of stress. They also say the
=about homosexuals. I canít give you my long term story yet, but I know
=free from any desire to cross-dress. I can also point you to others
=have been set free from cross-dressing, homosexuality, and other areas
=sexual brokenness for many years. Of course, the secular media usually
=doesnít report those cases.
No, the media doesn't report things that go on behind the closed doors
cloister. For awhile, the focus on Promise Keepers. Other times they
focus on the Bakers
and the Falwells of the religious right. Other times they focus on the
Jim Joneses and the
David Koreshes of the world. And, they oftentimes focus on the "gender
hurting, spiritually needy fellow human beings who were born the way
they are and just
need acceptance and love.
=(First Stone Ministries defines Sexual Brokenness as: Devastation
=brought about by behaviors outside of God's original intent of
=These include adultery, promiscuity, homosexuality,lesbianism, sexual
=molestation, prostitution, pornography, transexuality and
Sorry. To lump all these together might be a mistake. Also, judging by
on another's activities/behavior is not part of the New Covenant, or am
=Yes, there is hope! Itís not easy and itís not quick, but you can be
=set free by Jesus Christ. The first step is to follow the Lordís way
=not the worldís way. You must repent of your sin and ask the Lord to
=you. Cross-dressing is a symptom of an inner hurt.
Where do you get this idea, Sir? Cross dressing is not a symptom, it is
inborn. I know. On
the other hand, your circumstances were rare compared to the majority.
My inner hurt came from completely different events that I'd be happy to
share with you
if you'd like. Not here, though. Suffice it to say that a lie was
perpetrated about me by
over 100 family and friends for 38 years. I knew deep down something
wasn't "kosher". I
always felt out of place. I lashed out at others, especially my wife and
kids, because of it.
But, it was NOT in any way related to cross dressing.
To deal with the
=cross-dressing, you must first deal with your inner wounds.
=In breaking the cycle of compulsion, you will also need to do
Hey, as I understand it, Jesus fights all my battles. I don't have to
fight anything. Am I
mistaken here too?? I don't think so.
An excellent resource for this are all of the Neil Anderson
=The titles are found at the end of this article.
=Healing prayer, where your past and present hurts are healed by the
Spirit, is how the Lord ministers to you. You will likely need someone
=intercede for you in this area, but it is one of the most powerful
=be healed. Leanne Payne has written a wonderful book, Crisis in
=Masculinity, which describes the healing prayer process. You can find
=or order the book from your Christian bookstore.
=Am I the Only One?
=By no means! I donít know of any firm statistics, but if
=like any other activity, the church is slightly less than secular
=society in terms of percentages of people with addictions and
Oops, I have been told similar things. This makes any particular
organization appear like
it's accomplishing something. Sorry, there are as many "dysfunctionals"
in church as
there are out. Matter of fact, a goodly number of those of us who've
been set free from
churchianity are truly healed!
=this is true, then somewhere around 2 percent of men in our churches
Would you believe 5%. And, as many as 1/3 of all genetic males have
dressed as a
woman to some degree.
The problem is that not many people are aware of this or
=even believe it. I can tell you of a transgendered ministry that has
=regular correspondents on transgender issues.
=How Do I Tell my Wife and Family?
=This is something that many cross-dressers really struggle with. In my
=case, I know my wife so well, that it was very natural to seek her
=But keep in mind, that I was coming from an attitude of repentance and
=confession. I would advise you to get Christian counseling in sexual
=brokenness issues to decide when and how to tell your mate. You and
=the your family will need support and a Christian counselor can be the
=person to help you through the rough spots. You will need to trust the
=to prepare the hearts of those nearest to you.
But, a cross dresser support might be much better for lots of others.
=Why Should I Stop cross-dressing?
=I had a struggle with this myself. At first I felt almost a grief at
=giving up a fetish-like behavior I had clung to for comfort for almost
=years. I can now say it was the best thing I ever did. My relationship
=wife and family is so much better than it was before I made the choice.
=not proud of my past thoughts and actions of cross-dressing, but I am
=I made the choice to follow Godís leading in my life.
I'm happy for you and your improved familial relationship. For me, this
same result has
come about by my coming out of the closet and dressing. My web page,
above, will show this. You'll get to know me better also.
=Actually, stopping cross-dressing was a result of dealing with all of
=the hurts and wounds of my past, taking them to the Lord, and getting
=healing from Him. I had tried simply quitting before but it never
=was treating the symptom and not the problem. As my wife has remarked,
=had no idea there was even a problem in our marriage. Everything was
=going along fine." The trouble was that I was living in my own private
=fantasy world and not dealing with reality. I was the spiritual leader
=of our family in name only.
=A Final Word
=Keep seeking the Lord. He will reveal all truth to you and "the truth
=will set you free." (John 8:32) In my victory over cross-dressing, I
=it to be more of a truth battle as opposed to a power struggle with the
=Also, look down the path to see where cross-dressing leads. If you
=examine closely what is on some of the more popular web sites, you will
=graphic descriptions of bi-sexuality and infidelity. What goes in our
=minds usually works its way out into practice. Ask yourself if this is
=really what you want in your life.
I've been in contact with quite a few folks around the country. I've met
several face to
face. Yes, some have bi-sexual leanings. Some have relations with other
cross dressers. I
don't preach to them, nor do I try to get them to stop. I simply
demonstrate my life and
lifestyle to them and let them know that I am faithful to my wife.
what you say above is true, it can be perceived by some as the norm. In
truth, the vast
majority of M to F cross dressers are among the most faithful husbands
one would ever
Let's give the complete picture, OK?
=Many of us in the Christian community have grown to see adultery as
=the "big sin" to be avoided. In doing so, we condone other behaviors
=undermine the marriage relationship almost as much and are just as
=sinful to God. In cross-dressing, you can be "the other woman."
Randall, I wish folks everywhere could see that the "big sin" is denial
of the Holy Spirit.
The major culprit in this denial is the
conglomerate which places their hierarchical clericalism between the
Head and the Body.
This in effect denies to the Body the lifeblood of the Spirit!?? Instead
conglomerate truly espousing the indwelling of Jesus Himself as the Holy
maintain that the members of the Body can only approach the Throne of
Grace via the
administrative group of vicarious "saviors". This is what the early
against. This is what has continued unabated for over 1900 years. But
now, the Spirit is
again "moving above the waters". And, Freedom is resounding in the
hearts and minds of
the weak, the spiritually poor, the wretched, the cast offs and all the
others with whom
Jesus dwelt while in human form. He was killed by the Beast's
predecessor. But the Beast
cannot cover the Light anymore.
=Consider what would happen if someone found out about your
=cross-dressing. There is great truth to the saying "Your sin will find
you out." So,
=you need to give this some consideration before your reputation is
Question: Throughout the centuries, when Christians, true members of the
underground to worship, and to support one another, was this deception?
Or was this
expedient? For us who cross dress, being in the "underground" doesn't
mean we are
engaged in evil. Again, faulty reasoning here.
=Finally, and most importantly, God loves you with an everlasting love.
=You were in his thoughts when he created the world. He knows your every
=hurt and your every need. When you come to the end of yourself and feel
=can go no lower, God is there to welcome you home. He and the angels
=If this has been a help to you, or if I can pray with you, e-mail me.
=If you are the spouse or a family member of someone struggling with
=cross-dressing, e-mail me and my wife can join me in sharing and
=praying with you.
=The following verse describes my motive in putting in taking a stand
=putting this information on the web:
= "Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times
= some will depart from the faith, giving heed to
= deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking
= lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared
= with a hot iron, forbidding to marry, and commanding to
= abstain from foods which God created to be received
= with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the
= truth. For every creature of God is good, and nothing
= is to be refused if it is received with thanksgiving;
= for it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer. If
= you minister the brethren in these things, you will be
= a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished in the words
= of faith and of the good doctrine which you have
= carefully followed. But reject profane and old wivesí
= fables and exercise yourself toward godliness." I
= Timothy 4: 1 - 7
I agree with this, but the old wives' tales are that behavior observed
is what makes one a
Christian, preaching against sin is the "true" gospel, and our effort is
what gets us "in the
Randall, I have presented the viewpoint of one humble individual who was
born with a
penis and testicles. I'm happy with them. I was also born with the need
to dress, makeup,
walk, talk, and think like a woman. I am in the blending process. My
femininity are melding into the whole that God intended. I like what's
happening and I
know fully that God likes it too. That's because I am in a continual
walk with God who
lives in me.
I love you, brother Randall.